I'm taking a short break from my What-The-Fuckery Cup for just a day here to respond to something happening in United States right now. This past week's edition of South Park featured the Muslim prophet Muhammad in their show in an episode much like their previous Super Best Friends episode. Unlike the previous ones, Muhammad was in a bear suit because Comedy Central didn't have the balls to let them show Muhammad on television. This was the entire point of their two-part episode regarding Family Guy showing the prophet, in which the fact was expressed that the censoring of art, no matter how mundane, simply for fear of terrorism, is a victory for terrorist intimidation. And while I'm more of a Family Guy fan myself, I thought I would take an opportunity to stand up for my friends Matt and Trey at South Park and fire back at the website that is making death threats to them regarding the episode. So, here, you fucking fascist ass-clowns. I spent about an hour on this and it was an hour well spent. And hey, it's been a few months since my last death threat, so I've been bored.



There. Blakadaka derpaderka! Muhammad's a bondage obsessed drag queen with a penis too small to reach beyond his fat gut. That's for Theo Van Gogh, this is for everyone who died in the Denmark after the original comic showing Muhammad was released, it's for Salmon Rushdie, it's for Christopher Hitchens, it's for the millions of people who are living in the Middle East under your oppressive tyranny, and it's for all of America. Because we make fun of whatever we want here. Catholics, Jews, the elderly, Jesus, Moses and so on... They're all ripe for our parody and you're not above the same criticisms just because you're violent. The Evangelicals are violent, and I give them more shit than anyone. Really, all you're doing is making this worse on yourself, and trust me, this gets much worse, but it's your move, Dakadurpa Bat-Shit!

THE SMILING ATHEIST PRESENTS: BRACKET B OF THE WHAT-THE-FUCKERY CUP!

THE SMILING ATHEIST PRESENTS: BRACKET B OF THE WHAT-THE-FUCKERY CUP!


MATCH ONE: A SPECIAL BLUNT ON A TOWER OF BABEL MATCH!


ANYONE CELEBRATING 4:20? GLENN BECK IS!

Well, at least he sounds pretty high on today’s edition of the Glenn Beck show, wherein he claims that God has given him a plan. Beck said, “God is giving a plan, I think, to me to stand peacefully, quietly, with anger.” While I’m still trying to figure out just what Beck and his fellow Fux Noise cronies are angry about, I hope he takes this divine direction literally. Stand quietly, Glenn. Quietly!

How many times does Beck have to admit off camera that he can’t even believe half of the stuff that comes out of his mouth before other people start to catch on? Is $34 million per year really worth the uprising he’s causing? Is it worth being called a lunatic by fellow Fux Noise employees? I mean, if you’re being called a lunatic by the people at Fux Noise, that means you’re even crazier than the rest of them. And if you’re more bat-shit than Hannity, then you need to be hosting a show late at night talking about black helicopters and government conspiracies. You shouldn’t have a show in the daytime talking about…well, black helicopters and government conspiracies.


COME ON, BABY, DRIVE MY POPEMOBILE

The Vatican, in yet another desperate act to distract the mainstream public from the numerous charges of pedophilia as well as the current pope’s role in hiding child molesting priests, decided to finally forgive the Beetles for their message four decades ago, claiming they were bigger than Jesus. In the Vatican newspaper, L'Osservatore Romano, an article appeared that was sanctioned by Pope Benedict XVI, in which the Beatles were heralded for their "beautiful" music and absolved for their rock star decadence and experiments with drugs.

However, one of the two last remaining Beetles is thus far unimpressed. Remembering that the Vatican had once accused them of delivering strange Satanic messages in their music, Ringo Starr responded, "Didn't the Vatican say we were Satanic or possibly Satanic? And they've still forgiven us?" He went on to mention the current pedophilia crisis in saying, "I think the Vatican - they've got more to talk about than the Beatles."

Should John Lennon still be alive today, I’m sure the man who once said, “Imagine there’s no country, it isn’t hard to do, nothing to kill or die for, and no religion too,” would be far from impressed that the pope has either taken up a new appreciation for music, or taken up smoking pot, whichever. Whatever the case, just because the Nazi pope has finally discovered value in Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, the Sgt. Pepper’s band could give a shit if he enjoyed the show.


MATCH TWO: A DUMBERER AND DUMBERERER MATCH!


PSEUDOSCIENCE STILL HAS THE WORD “SCIENCE” IN IT, RIGHT?

In the on-going quest to make concrete the irrational claim of the Church of Ladder Day Saints that states the Native Americans are descendants of the Israelites, Church scientists (an oxymoron if I’ve ever heard on) claimed this week that although "Israelite" DNA appears to be absent from Native Americans, this does not refute the authenticity of the Book of Mormon. In an article in the Mor(m)on™ Times, Michael J. Ash states, “DNA markers can and have disappeared.” Yes, of course they have. Michael goes on to say, “Most of the DNA studies done on Native Americans -- the root of Book of Mormon-DNA criticisms -- are based on mitochondrial DNA (mtDNA), which is inherited from the mother. MtDNA lineages are divided in branches (haplogroups) on a large tree called phylogeny, with a built-in "molecular clock" that measures mtDNA changes (mutations) over time. While science adapts and modifies according to newer discoveries, the current molecular clock tells us the ancestors of most modern Native Americans migrated to the Western Hemisphere about 15,000 to 17,000 years ago.”

So, wait, Dr. Magical Underwear, you’re telling me that DNA changes and mutates over time? I thought DNA could never change, as your church plainly puts it, as in their stance against not only human evolution from apes, but evolution and natural selection as a whole. If mitochondrial DNA can change or disappear over time, that would mean a species could adapt to new environments and change according to the needs of survival. And over enough time, would share almost nothing from its parent species. Again, I thought the church frowned upon this sort of thing. I mean, his claim that the mitochondrial DNA inherited from the mother could have completely disappeared, or at least has been diluted beyond recognition just over the course of the estimated 15,000 to 17,000 years, just imagine how DNA could adapt over, I don’t know, let’s just say, 4.7 billion years.

Aside from common sense, science can easily refute this claim that the native Americans were descendents of the Israelites in plenty of other ways, if needed, such as archaeological evidence. Archaeologically, we can clearly see and map the migration of the Native American people from Northern Asia, into Alaska and down into the Americas. What, Dr., were the Jews doing in Northern Asia? I come from a Jewish family. You can’t get a member of my family to go outside when it’s 40 degrees without a scarf, hat, mittens, sweater, over coat, under coat, another over coat, a ski mask, water boots and probably a snow suit over the top of all of that, not to mention a box of Benadryl. I hardly see the Jewish people migrating from the Middle East, into Asia (especially around this time period) and into the United States. It makes no sense at all. And your claims about the mitochondrial DNA are completely pseudo-scientific. No DNA completely vanishes over that short of a time, no matter how diluted it becomes. But I guess there’s a reason to focus only on mitochondrial DNA. But even mtDNA can take up to 200,000 years for ALL of the mitochondrial DNA to become extinct in any lineage, and that’s averaging a birth rate of 2-5 per woman, which each child having the same amount of offspring. If mankind still shares the majority of its DNA with higher apes, then I hardly see modern day Native Americans showing absolutely no trace of their ancestor dating back a mere 15,000 years. You are retarded, you’re not a scientist, you’re an idiot, let’s just move on.


GOOD NEWS ONLY LASTS UNTIL THE IDIOTS HEAR ABOUT IT!

As many have heard, U.S. District Judge Barbara Crabb ruled the May 6th National Day of Prayer observance to be unconstitutional, citing the well-established wall of separation between church and state, as well as the first amendment law prohibiting a national establishment of religion. This ruling is the effect of the Freedom From Religion Foundation, a Wisconsin group dedicated to the wall of separation between church and state, filed lawsuits against both the Bush and Obama administrations from proclaiming Americans set aside a day of prayer.

While is this good news and a step in the right direction, the good news only lasts so long. As it turns out, in a flagrant act to try to become Jewish, the US Catholic League, the United Evangelicals as well as the Discovery Institute (which I thought was supposed to be separate from religion, HA HA) have all filed joint lawsuits against the FFRF as well as the state of Wisconsin, and all are petitioning the ACLU, claiming this act is discriminatory and infringes upon their freedom to pray as they wish.

Okay, you all know why this is stupid, my readers aren’t idiots, but I’m going to say it anyway. Your ability to pray is not being infringed by not having a national holiday for it any more than my ability to masturbate is being infringed because there isn’t a National Jack-Off Day. Well, while I think of it, there is, but it falls on second Monday in October. Either way, your rights aren’t being infringed with the absence of the national day of prayer, our rights were being infringed WITH the national day of prayer. May I site a great man named Thomas Jefferson, who along with James Madison erected the wall of separation, who said, “The greatest liberty to be celebrated within the freedom of religion, is the freedom from the tyranny of religious beliefs.” If you need to hear anymore about this subject, go back three blogs to a “letter to the editor” written by a crazy fundie regarding her beliefs on religion in America. And even if you don’t, go back anyway because it’s quite hilarious.

Don’t forget to vote for the winners of both matches so that they can go on to face next week’s competitors in Brackets C & D. Thanks for reading and smiling and profiling into hell with yours truly.

THE SMILING ATHEIST PRESENTS: THE WHAT-THE-FUCKERY CUP

THE SMILING ATHEIST PRESENTS:
THE WHAT-THE-FUCKERY CUP

MATCH ONE: A SPECIAL WHO-ELSE-CAN-WE-BLAME MATCH

WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?

Well, apparently the Catholics already have. After centuries of blaming the Devil, the Jews, the Protestants, homosexuality et cetera… The Catholics have finally thought of blaming the children. That’s right, Bernando Álvarez, the bishop of Tenerife, is exceeding the claims of Bill Donahue, who has blamed Catholic child molestation on homosexuality, by passing the blame onto the children themselves. Álvarez claims, “There are 13 year old adolescents who are under age and who are perfectly in agreement with, and what’s more wanting it, and if you are careless they will even provoke you.”

These statements were made on Christmas Eve in an interview with La Opinión de Tenerife, a local newspaper in Tenerife, Spain.


BABY, YOU’RE A TEN ON THE RICHTER SCALE

At least, so says Muslim Cleric, Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, of Tehran, Iran. According to him, "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes.” The worst thing about this is that this view is shared by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, who is predicting an earthquake in the near future in Iran caused by the careless, anti-religious ways of the country. He recently said, “At least 5 million should leave Tehran so it is less crowded.”


MATCH TWO: A JEBUS-PATROL MATCH



COME ON!?! A JESUS TICKET? I WAS ONLY A HEATHEN FOR FIVE MINUTES!

The above note was left on the front window of Shannon Poston, a resident of Belmont, NC, outside of a Cracker Barrel this week. Apparently, the unnamed Jesus Meter Maid was offended by the Darwin Fish on the back of Shannon’s car, and so he/she felt he/she better leave a note to remind Mrs. Poston that Jesus loves here, not Darwin. I wonder what the train of thought was here. Considering only one of these people ever existed and both were dead for many, many years before Shannon’s birth, how could either love her.

This tends to the point about Christians. Have there ever been a species of people who feel a greater need to push their beliefs onto others while being irate about being allegedly repressed? Other than Muslims, of course. Christians claim that the beliefs of others are pushed onto them because they must now deal with billboards, books and bumper stickers. Well, here’s the deal, when atheists start knocking on your door while you’re trying to relax, start preaching on street corners, start protesting outside of churches and start leaving notes on peoples cars, then you can complain about being harassed or repressed. Because YOU do all of these things, not us. Perhaps we should start.


ONE MOR(M)ON™ DESERVES ANOTHER

An Oregon man, Alex Tucker, left his home on for work on just another Friday morning. As any Friday, he watched the clock and waited to get off to head to his cabin out in the woods in Northern Oregon. But this day wouldn’t turn out like that. Apparently Tucker forgot that having in A as a decal in his back window is not okay, even in a state as liberal and accepting as Oregon. What Tucker discovered when he came out to his car after a hard day as the office what black spray-paint all over his car, citing, “Atheist, terrorist scum,” and “Baby eating, Hitler loving piece of shit!” I forgot to mention that one tire had been slashed as well.

Obviously, this exclaims more than anything which side of the atheist VS theist debate is the “terrorist” side. Besides, who was the last atheist who flew a plane into a couple of sky scrapers? What is either more ironic or more tragic is that the A on the back of Tucker’s car didn’t actually stand for atheist. It was actually a parking permit for his apartment building, unfortunately for him, styled in a similar font to the atheist “A” symbol.

The group was later found red handed and were identified as three boys, ages 15-18, and members of the local Church of Ladder Day Saints. Wow! Dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb!

Well, pick the winners of both matches and they’ll move onto the next round to face next weeks tournament participants. As I’m sure, there are plenty of stories out there who would love to have a chance to win The Smiling Atheist’s What-The-Fuckery Cup Championship.

Interesting Questions and Statements in Emails from Readers of the Smiling Atheist.

“Why do you hate spirituality?”

I want to get one thing straight before I go any farther. My problem is not with moderates, spiritualists or theists. My issue is with organized religion. My issue is with a group of sheep who flock to the large building on a preordained day to hear the words of a man who claims to speak to an invisible father figure in the sky. People who prescribe literally to a doctrine of preordained morals and values that barely worked in the prehistoric time in which it was written, wherein the only encouragement to be a good person is the extrinsic fear of an invisible manager in the sky who watches your every move and will fire you if you do wrong. I know many spiritualists with whom I get along just fine. They’re just people who accept what science has discovered but just think there must be more to the world than what we know. They’re right to do that. After all, no matter how much we’ve discovered since science broke from the church, we don’t know a fraction of what we will know. And with that, it’s alright to think outside of the box. After all, let us remember that things like evolution, the big bang, gravity, the heliocentric universe and others, are all theories for a reason. They’re theories because while we know that they did happen or are happening, there is a lot that we don’t know about them. Thinking outside the box has allowed science to progress as much as it has in the last few hundred years. But while I think outside the box a little more scientifically than spiritualists, it doesn’t mean I should ridicule them for that.

“You called Ben Stein a moron in a previous blog. Do you really think Ben Stein is stupid?”

No, absolutely not. He’s a very smart man, in fact. However, what is stronger than intelligence is the overall fear of death and mortality felt by most humans. And that is what religion (other than a means of control) was intended to remedy. Ben Stein, and others, is just dealing with his fear of mortality in his own way. Unfortunately, Stein’s fear of death is lain out with the intent of impeding on the education of America’s youth and future of our country. So, do I think he’s stupid? Absolutely not. Do I think he’s lost his conscience and is attempting to sacrifice the well-being of others to pacify his fears? Yes, absolutely.

“You say this country was not founded by Christians. Are you telling me the pilgrims weren’t Christian? Christopher Columbus wasn’t Christian?”

Okay, you all already know why this is stupid, so I’m just going to move on. But for the record, would you please educate yourself before trying to debate with people?

“Nowhere in the New Testament does it say anything about stoning children or killing disobedient wives.”

You’re right, it doesn’t. That stuff is in the Old Testament, which is the same book that condemns homosexuality and the consummation of shell fish. But the fact of the matter is that the New Testament cannot stand alone, as the only reason Jesus’ coming means anything is because it was foretold in the Old Testament. Without the Old Testament, Jesus was just another guy making divine claims. So, you need to choose which one you’re going to follow, the Old and New Testaments or neither.

“You should burn in hell for calling my prophet a pedophile. You will burn in hell for this, I swear it, you will.”

Wow, yeah, you’re not violent at all. Very peaceful people, you are. Anyway, marrying a six-year-old girl makes you a pedophile. I swear it, it does. And riding a magical horse into the sun makes you either a fairytale or a character from My Little Pony who’s about to suffocate as she starts being cooked alive.

“I wonder what hell is like. Let me know when you get there.”

Oh, you. You’re ants at a picnic. Let me know what heaven is like so I can tell the rest of the heathens. Oh, wait, you’ll be worm food, so it’ll be a little hard to communicate. I guess you should haunt me then and tell me what it’s like. I’ll get myself an EVP or whatever those Ghost Hunter guys use to detect imaginary voices from basic household sounds, and then I’ll carry the message. I’ll be sure to wear the message on a sandwich sign on a street corner and scream it at people to be sure I’m taken completely seriously as well. Okay? Fucking bat-shits.

“Why do you Satanists push your beliefs on people”

Hmm. Okay, this is starting to sound like I’m making these up. Satan, my Christian friend, is a Christian concept. I’m not a Christian, I’m an atheist. And if you’ll notice, I’m not pushing anything on anyone. I put my views in a blog and in books where people have a choice as to whether or not they read them. I’m not standing outside of clinics holding signs with doctored pictures of dead babies on them. I don’t shoot people to attempt to prove my “beliefs.” I don’t knock on doors and attempt to convert people into my line of thinking. I don’t encourage legislation without any logical reasoning outside of fairytale books. I don’t attempt to impede on the education of children. I guess the better question is, “Why do you Satanists push your beliefs on people?”

A Letter from a Concerned Fundie.

What I'm going to do is, instead of just assuming you know why this is stupid and move on, I'm going to pick this apart sentence by sentence to really drive the point home here. Seriously, this is just stupid.

"It's time to stomp out the atheists in America."

How typical of a fundie. Within the first sentence, the topic has already turned to violence.

"The majority of Americans would love to see atheists kicked out of America."

Hmm... I wonder if this woman has a statistic to support that statement, or if she's just being religious and expecting her readers to be the same by merely accepting an opinion as fact without evidence. The actual fact is that atheists make up about 20% of this country. Religious literalists and extremists actually only make up about 30% of this country. The remainder are moderates, religious liberals et cetera, whom I'm sure would not like to see people kicked out of a country based on lack of faith. That is, unless, there is such a matter of truth in the religious hostility against inquiry and skepticism.

"If you do not believe in God, then get out of this country."

How about this proposition: if you want theocracy, then go somewhere where theocracy already exists. Seriously, Iran, Afghanistan, Iraq, these countries are very nice. And they're just like you would like them, crazy Fundie. Hostile toward inquiry, homosexuality is illegal, prostitution is punishable by death and so is atheism, and violence riddles the country all in the name of God. This should be perfect for you.

"The United States is based on having freedom of religion, speech, etc... which means you can believe in God anyway you want (Baptist, Catholic, Methodist, etc...) but you must believe."

Where, kind fundie, is that written in any constitutional text? Is that like saying, "Freedom of religion means you can accept Jesus Christ as your lord and savior any way you want,"? Because that's what I just read there. Notice she didn't mention Islam, Buddhism, Wicca or any other religion; just Christian denominations. Well, this lady is obviously smarter than Thomas Jefferson who pointed out that the "Highest freedom within religious liberty is the freedom FROM religion."

"I don't recall freedom of religion meaning no religion."

See above.

"Our currency even says, 'In God we Trust.'

You're right, it certainly does. In fact, In God We Trust was added to US currency shortly after the civil war, and it was, in fact, added by former confederates who justified their right to own slaves out of literal biblical quotations such as, "However, you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way." (Leviticus 25:44-46 NLT) Is that the message we want to carry onto our children?

"So, to all atheists in America, get off our country."

Hmm, the funny thing about this statement is this fundie seems to have some sort of ownership complex. You know, the first recognized white men who landed here were the British outcasts that we call Pilgrims (of which this woman is the contemporary). They came there, slaughtered thousands of people, stole and raped their women, stole and raped their land and started burning people. It wasn't until the Enlightenment Era that this started to change and a group of men took the helm of this country. We call these men The Founding Fathers of America. A group primarily made up of secularists, Enlightenment readers and authors, and, dare I say, Miss Lack Ye Education, ATHEISTS! They tried to set things right. They established the church/state separation, which I'm sure our fundie would argue is a "myth", the made laws and signed declarations and constitutions to ensure the liberties of all people of all faiths, lack of faith, race, sex and so on... These liberties, ones that you're trying to deny people, were the very foundation of this country. So I guess the better question is this: Why don't you get the hell off our country?

"Atheists have caused the ruin of this country by taking prayer out of schools and being able to practice what can only be called evil."

Well, atheists certainly are evil people. I mean, the way we bomb abortion clinics, fly planes into buildings, blow up Meccas of faith and communication, shoot doctors in broad daylight, inhibit the progress of science and health care, deny people treatment based on their beliefs. Oh wait, that's not us, that's YOU! And you're right - ceasing the forced prayer of children in the publicly funded education system certainly has caused the downfall of this country. Because if there is something a country needs to be happy and surviving, it's forced prayer and religious oppression.

"I don't care if they have never committed a crime, atheists are the reason crime is rampant."

Okay, if you can show me a statistic that shows clearly and without dispute that our Nobel Laureates in biology and chemistry or even physics are molesting children at the same or a higher rate than Catholic priests, bishops, cardinals and popes, I'll concede. You won't find it, but I'll hold myself to that. But perhaps you've found reasons that I haven't regarding consistent world-wide statistics that clearly show the less religious a country is, the happier its people are and the more liberties its people enjoy. Let us remember that liberty, freedom and personal autonomy were inventions of the Enlightenment Era, and not of the world of theocracies which the era existed to protest. Perhaps it's because they don't derive their morals from a book that condones slavery, stoning disobedient children, killing disobedient women, killing homosexuals, killing people of other faiths, marrying boys and girls as young as age six, and overall, burning alive all those who would disagree with you.

Maybe they're taking their morals from the brains that evolution (something I'm sure you also have a problem with) gave us. To be kind to one another, to love your neighbor, to not judge others, to be faithful to your loved ones, to take care for your fellow man and your planet, to be charitable, to be kind to animals; you know, like Jesus thought (something with which I'm sure you're completely unfamiliar).

You know, Alice, people like you are the reason there is so much angst against organized religion in this day and age. People like you are the reason that when people think of religion, they think of poverty, war, suffering, slavery, bigotry, violence, racism, fascism, etc... People like you are the reason that I'm not just an atheist, but a rather militant one as well. People like you are the reason I think the world would be better off without religion - it's certainly not the moderates who make me feel this way. Your bible is a book of hate and mine is a book of science. Which one do you think is going to encourage progress and freedom, and which one to you suppose would impede upon it.

I normally save this for Fun With Fundies, but you, my crazy dear, are BAT-SHIT CRAZY!

Thanks for reading.

Irreducible Complexity

Irreducible complexity is a term that is used in the creationist circles to describe the theory that everything must have had a designer as it is so complex and apparently could not function if it were less complex than it currently is. What I don't understand about this is just how people could misunderstand evolution to such a degree to fall for this (In truth, the misunderstanding of evolution is probably why they deny it in the first place). What I also don’t understand is how the complexity of all life on earth is somehow proof of creationism. To me, it seems like a pretty undeniable argument for evolution.

Science, by means of complex study and complex experimentation, has shown us how small, less complex organisms, throughout the course of 3.7 billion years, evolved into the beautiful, undeniably complex organisms that we see today. Religion, on the other hand, reduces the complexity of every life-form on the planet by either saying, “It just always was,” or by saying, “Magic Man did it.” Religionists reduce the complexity of thousands of transitional fossils by saying, “They’re not transitional, they’re just extinct.” In fact, if you were to make a query to a religionist regarding the reasoning behind the color of leaves or water, I’m sure your answer would be, “Because God made it that way.” Now, let’s compare that answer to one given by a scientist.

Why is water blue? Water owes its intrinsic blueness to selective absorption in the red part of its visible spectrum. The absorbed photons promote transitions to high overtone and combination states of the nuclear motions of the molecule, i.e. to highly excited vibrations. To our knowledge the intrinsic blueness of water is the only example from nature in which color originates from vibrational transitions. Other materials owe their colors to the interaction of visible light with the electrons of the substances. Their colors may originate from resonant interactions between photons and matter such as absorption, emission, and selective reflection or from non-resonant processes such as Rayleigh scattering, interference, diffraction, or refraction, but in each case, the photons interact primarily or exclusively with electrons. The details of the mechanism by which water is vibrationally colored will be discussed in the paragraphs which follow.

Now let’s remember what the religious explanation for the color of water. I’m sure that you can see a difference.

Water is not the only factor of nature that sectarians try to use in their favor to prove something absurd though. There is also a very old argument regarding the color green. “Was it not great of the lord to make all of our surroundings green? Green is the most appeasing color to the human eye!” Well, you see, that last part is right, but I think they’re confusing exactly what is the cause and what is the effect here. Could it be that green is the most appeasing color to our eyes for the same reason it is to an ape’s eye? And, for that matter, wouldn’t it be consistent? Wouldn’t green be the most appeasing color to a dog’s eye as well? But dogs don’t see colors, and neither do most insects. And to many insects who can and other creatures that can, green isn’t the most appeasing color to their eyes, the colors of their food and environment are.

Just like us, the ape’s eye is pleased by green. Just like us, a shark’s eye can see red from longer distances than other colors. That’s why stop signs and lights are red (just a little fun trivia for the folks out there). It’s also why red cars tend to get more tickets. You see, we’re omnivores. This means that we eat both vegetation and meat. Of course, some humans choose to be purely carnivores and others choose to be herbivores, but no matter the label on themselves, they will yearn for whatever is lacking, as they need it to properly survive. Therefore, we are all omnivores, and most of our food would be either red, or would be like other plants and vegetables and be green mixed with many vibrant colors. This is another reason we see colors more vibrantly than carnivores. Do you see the chain forming here? Green is the most appeasing color to man because we come from it. We were once a nature dwelling species. Green always surrounded us and our eyes merely adapted, and even though we’re no longer woods dwellers (except for some people in Georgia) there’s no real reason for the eye to change, as it doesn’t hinder us in any way to cause those with the mutation to die off in lieu of those without it.
We see red from farthest away partly because of our need to scavenge. We see vibrant colors partly because of our need to eat wild fruits and berries which were essential to our evolutionary survival. Our eyes like green because we lived in green. This is a very old trick of the religionists: twisting the cause and the effect around to prove a point based on misinterpretation.

This is yet another reason why can’t fathom why religion is deemed to be more spiritual than science. I would like to let it be known that the greatest argument, philosophically, against religion is that—as Nietzsche elaborated in Ecce Homo—it reduces the history of man, nullifies the meaning and essence of the history of the earth as well as the universe, and nullifies all that we, as humans, ought to be proud of in regards to our own species as well as the world in which we live.
A great example of this is comparing the history of the universe scientifically to the history of the earth biblically. I’ve broken the steps down on both sides, let’s compare:

1. About 14 billion years ago: The Big Bang.
2. About 13.2 billion years ago: The formation of the Milky Way Galaxy.
3. About 8 billion years ago: The formation of the Solar System.
4. About 4.57 billion years ago: The formation of the Earth.
5. About 3.7 billion years ago: The origin of life on Earth.
6. The formation of the oldest known fossils on Earth.
7. About 3.4 billion years ago, dates the oldest fossils (blue-green algae and bacteria).
8. The invention of sex by microorganisms.
9. The oldest known fossil of photosynthetic plants.
10. Eukaryotes flourish.
11. Significant oxygen atmosphere begins to develop on Earth.
12. Extensive volcanism and channel formation on Mars
13. Formation of the first worms.
14. About 542 million years ago, the Precambrian Era ends. Paleozoic Era and Cambrian Period begin, and Invertebrates flourish.
15. The first oceanic Plankton. Trilobites flourish.
16. About 492 million years ago, the Ordovician Period begins. We see the first fish and first vertebrates appear.
17. About 416 million years ago, the Silurian Period begins. The first vascular plants appear and plants begin colonizing the land.
18. About 397 million years ago, the Devonian Period begins. We see the first insects appear, and animals begin colonizing the land.
19. First winged insects and amphibians.
20. About 290 million years ago, the Permian Period begins. It is in this period that we see the first dinosaurs.
21. About 245 million years ago, the Paleozoic Era ends, and the Mesozoic Era begins.
22. About 245 million years ago, the Triassic Period begins. The first mammals and birds appear about 180 million years ago.
23. About 208 million years ago, the Jurassic Period begins. The first mammals and birds appear about 180 million years ago.
24. About 140 million years ago, the Cretaceous Period begins. The first flowers form and dinosaurs become extinct.
25. About 65 million years ago, the Mesozoic Era ends, and the Cenozoic Era and Tertiary Period begin. First cetaceans and primates appear.
26. Early evolution of frontal lobes in brains of primates. First humanoids appear. Giant mammals flourish.
27. End of the Pliocene Period. About 1.64 million years ago, the Quaternary (Pleistocene and Holocene epochs) Period begins. The first humans appear.

Let’s now compare this to how all of this is explained in the Holy Bible:

1. About 6,000 years ago, BAM! Magic guy in the sky did it!

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you which way is more complex, let alone more accurate and believable, or even spiritual. This is the first of many cases in which religion invalidates our universe, world and all of the plants, animals and organisms within it. And I, for one, don't appreciate philosophies that invalidate or nullify the nature, meaning or perseverance of life, only to make way for negative superstitions.

This is the Smiling Atheist signing off once again. And don't forget to follow and comment (positively or negatively), and leave suggestions for articles and blogs.

Fun with Fundies (March 31, 2010)

Fun with Fundies returns this week with something to talk about. And that something to talk about is THIS GUY! Theist Roman, who recently wrote an email to the admin of The Foxhole Atheist (cheep plug), has proven himself in just one long run-on paragraph, filled with long run-on and sentences, just how crazy fundies can really be. Here is the letter:


From Theist Roman... Again!!! (Rhode Island):

"I read some of that Atheist crap, and you all line up with a bunch of vipers, that get to burn in hell, with the likes of Stalin, Hitler, and Putin smoking your Hashish pipes, and opium down there, in bed with eachother, crying Mommy, please dip your finger in water and drop it on our tongues! Please Mommy! Please! I am the Lord your God, you shall have no false Gods before, was not written by a man! Now, if you use to be christian as your crappy column reads, then you had a relationship with God and Jesus through the Holy Spirit, and you had hope! I did not make you some logical Brain Buster Jew wannabe, and God didn't either! So, if you remember what it felt like to have access to God's power and love through the Holy Spirit rather then a bunch of logic that never got crammed into Darwins Butthole properly like that Rubber AK-47 is crammed up yours, you probably want to rethink your poorly established footsteps away from faith, or realize that leading others to hell, is a bad idea, and a nasty sin! God has a greater faith in you Mr Alexander, then you can ever fathom, but everyday you lead someone down you crappy logic gateway, into Zeus's butthole, you pay for it just like the jews and other sinners have, by seeking forgiveness through Christ, and then recognizing the consequences for your behavior our to be expected logically speaking, and the forgiveness given to you by God through Jesus, is not logically expected! So logically speaking, you sin, you get to burn in hell for it! But what is not logical, Mr Spalk wannabe is that God still loves you and desires to have you in heaven with Him, and his Son, and therefore washed you clean of original sin through baptism, and does forgive you for your sins allowing you to join the heavenly Brady Bunch, even after having betrayed so many of your brothers and sisters, while hoping you would be the first to get in the gates of heaven with Mohammed and get the 40 virgins, but I hate to break it to, ya, that lands you in hell, and Jesus said that in heaven you have heavenly bodies, neither male nor female! So, logical or not, the truth no matter what way you put it is that 2+2=4, and God is your heavenly Father, like it or not, Mr Spalk (he means Mr.Spock from Star Trek) and your logic crap, and Athiesm comes from the AntiChrist, the Liar, who gets to burn for eternity, so you want to play the My Drill Sergent taught me to wash my hands after I pee role, you can but in hell your pee won't cool anybody off, so you better start making a better plan than believing in the Logic hocus pocus, and ask for forgiveness now, before you become the dog in bed with Satan, who treats your behind like its his vagina! Adios!"

Wow! So who needs therapy? I think I do after reading that. I always used to think that people could only get so stupid before the brain ceases to function all together, but this up-and-coming Fred Phelps has proven me wrong. I would usually use this point in the blog to point out any and all flawed logic involved, but I don't think an analysis is necessary here.

Congratulations, Theist Roman. You are indeed, beyond a shadow of a doubt, BAT SHIT CRAZY!